Let go

I’ve been dropped, fired, let go, or just removed from the schedule. Either way I’m not teaching there. At least for the time being.

I have not even started. God only knows what I was thinking when I said yes… I said yes to cover a morning vinyasa class in the popular studio in the city.  Me being thrown into a proper studio format, trying to be more a power yoga teacher than still was a ready recipe for a disaster. Now I know. I’m taking full responsibility for this. Lesson learned.
The reaction was strong. An anger was trown at me. My teaching skills questioned. There is sadness of course, but at the same time a deep feeling that this shake up was needed. Perhaps this experience was a huge shout from the Universe to focus more on physicality and not only the mind/spirit side of the practise. Perhaps it was a huge shout from the Universe that yoga is not my path and I should put all energy only into meditation? Perhaps  it was a huge shout from the Universe to stop trying to fit in but just be ME, to stop trying to do things under other people’s umbrella, but finally start my own project . I’m sure there is a lesson for me to learn here. I will take time to understand it deeper.
Peru continues to challenge me. The cycle of change is short here. The moment I feel comfortable with something, BOOM a hit from above. Nope Miss Gosia, you are not meant to be in “the comfort zone” seat , your seat is in the “challenge” section. I have no idea why I attract challenges so much. Just in the couple of weeks I found and lost the house, I found and lost the job, I found and lost friends, constant change, constant come and go and as my heart is open the joy is mixed with sadness constantly. Rumi said:
“Love is best when mixed with anguish.
In our town, we won’t call you a Lover if you escape the pain.
Look for Love in this way, welcome it to your soul, 
and watch your spirit fly away in ecstasy.”
This morning my reflection on the way to Cusco was one: I’m so blessed. I’m so blessed. I’m so blessed. I never had less than I have now but I feel rich. I never has less security than now and I feel safe. I never had my heart broken so many times in such short period of time and I feel love. I continue to have time and space to just be. My beloved Ramana said: “Your only duty is to be, not to be this and that.” I keep forgetting that, but perhaps the constant life challenges keep reminding me to drop the story, to drop the egoic-mind, to drop the joy or sadness and just BE before any of these rise. Perhaps Life wants me to learn this lesson and I keep refusing and keep trying to be something, not just BE.
I do my best. That’s all I can do so its good …“Have faith in God and in yourself; that will cure all. Hope for the best, expect the best, toil for the best and everything will come right for you in the end” – Ramana Maharshi
A bit of Cusco through my eyes ❤
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2 thoughts on “Let go

  1. Dear Gosha,
    thank you for your honest words about your experiences in Peru and thoughts about it. I send you lots of light and love. You are a wonderful person at a great place and I am sure you attract the right people and job opportunities with your big and kind heart. Remember, the world outside is just an appearance which mirrors your world inside.
    Big hug,
    Eva

    Like

    1. Thank you Eva. Thank you so much ❤ I'm sure something good unfolds out of it. Sending you lots of love too xxxx

      Like

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