It’s been a while.
I guess I needed a break.
Some people call it integration. I honestly cannot explain where I was for the past year.
Perhaps trying to BE more than DO, but still do things. Trying to make a use of myself and help other beings when they ask for help, trying to teach awareness, trying to become a marketing guru and market ‘stillness’ as a product until I realised it’s a big task and I’m not willing to put enough time & energy to make it happen, at least not in London. Trying to find a regular job when I realised all of that. Trying to find my place in society, trying to be aware, authentic and true to myself, trying to be grateful, enjoy my new/old friends, allowing people to help me, looking after my health, be with my family in Poland, be with my newly adopted family here in London. Trying to learn how to use my resources, trying to trust, trying to not worry about money, trying to not worry at all, trying to stop doubting myself, trying to fully believe I deserve all of that, trying to smile a lot, trying to share my smile with others, trying to keep myself open, just… live, feel and explore I guess
I was just reading my previous post from November and tears came to my eyes. So much purity and exposure of such intimate space within me. Yes, I’ve forgotten all about that. Mind took me on the journey…good few months journey.
I awaken again. Partially:)
Last few weeks been absolutely crazy. I run out of ideas what to do, where I belong, do I have to belong, how do I sustain myself, where am I going to live, what am I going to do? I surrendered. I meditate a lot, I was saying ‘thank you’ a lot and just keept myself open. That’s all I could possibly do
A few doors closed, a few doors opened
One in particular opened so wide that I could not possibly say no to this opportunity.
I got a job!
An opportunity came up to lead monthly meditation retreats. Picture an island on Lake Titicaca at an altitude of 4000m. Mediators heaven me thinks!!!
I cannot really afford to take this job, but at the same time I cannot afford to NOT take this job. It’s a great opportunity for the first time to teach a retreat, share the silence an environment I love the most, possibly help others and gain experience as a teacher. What more can I ask for? This money thing is scary, I’m not going to lie. I meant to go back to a regular job to gain some funds for my next adventure. Looks like I’m starting an adventure without necessary funds. It brings an element of determination that I guess I was missing in Europe. I was too comfortable here. I have passion, I have drive but this final push was missing. There, on the other side of the world I won’t have a choice. It’s make it or break for me. At least that’s how it feels in this present moment.
My head is spinning, my body is numb. I guess my brain is protecting me from over-thinking!
10th of August it will all start again so…
Fasten your seatbelts, make yourself comfortable, and enjoy unfolding
Love & endless Gratitude for this Gift called Life