I am that

Two weeks later

49 days and two weeks later

It’s been two weeks. Seems like ages ago, but still somehow very fresh. It’s fresh inside me. It’s far away in an outside world

Life goes on with or without me. Life goes on.

It’s like I removed myself from the world, came back and around me nothing has changed but for me everything changed.

Nothing is the same. Nothing.

Taste of the world, perception of the world. It all has a new flavour.

I am left a bit confused as on the level of the mind, I don’t understand. I’m puzzled what, how, when?

When it all has become so vivid, so beautiful, filled with so much colours, shapes, flavours. When life has become so delicious?

I don’t understand anything anymore

It’s almost like I am ashamed that not far ago I thought I cracked the code, I’ve got a recipe for happiness, that I know something

Now I just think what an ignorant I was. What an ignorant. What I was thinking? Not in a way to make myself smaller. Quite opposite actually.

There is such an appreciation for the beauty of who I am

There is such a fulfillment I feel just by being with me

The beauty and the power of the heart cannot be denied

Nisargadatta Maharaj a Hindu spiritual teacher said “Love says: ‘I am everything’. Wisdom says: ‘I am nothing’. Between the two my life flows.”

Few days after we finished the retreat, I had this feeling that something so precious just happened. That I’ve touched something so precious. That it’s almost… I don’t know… too good to be true. No it’s not that. It’s like you touch perfection and now you know perfection exists, now you know perfection is you and you know that no matter how hard you will try to forget there is no possible way to forget this perfection. It’s everywhere. It’s you

I’m learning to live again” I said to my teacher the other day answering a question “How am I doing?I’m learning to live again I said. When I’m asked “How was it?” I don’t know what to say. It’s like the most intimate moment with your lover, the most fragile thought, idea, feeling you had, something so close to your heart, something so precious, something you know, you just know was so special how can you share? how can you talk about it? how can you write about it? How can you share?

It’s all so precious…

“By day I praised you and never knew it.

By night I stayed with you and never knew it.

I always thought that I was me – but no,

I was you and never knew it.”

Rumi

It’s all so precious…

Here is the space that became my “meditation cave” for 39 days in solitude…

It’s all so precious…

IMG_5118 IMG_5121 IMG_5129 IMG_5135 IMG_5136 IMG_5138 IMG_5139

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