Madre Ayahuasca has found me again. Again? Yes, we met in Mexico for the first time, so now it was my second encounter with her. She is an ancient Amazon plant medicine used for centuries by shamans in South America. Very powerful medicine that without doubt can change your life and heal any disease. She has an ability to literally shows us our life patterns, how we harm ourself, how we create illnesses, addictions etc. For us Westerners it sounds ridiculous that a plant has an own spirit, intelligence and can “clean” your body, mind and spirit and heal you! I can ensure you that it does. I’ve experienced her intelligence twice and wow!
I’ve heard about her for the first time in San Francisco. One strong recommendation was given to me at that time “Do it only when you feel it’s a safe environment. Only with people you feel safe with“. Second recommendation has come to me in Mexico “Don’t look for her. If it’s something you need she will find you. You will feel her calling“. Well, that’s exactly what has happened to me twice now. It’s a brew. You drink it in a ceremony. It’s a brew of two plants and yes, together it does contains natural DMT so highly hallucinogenic, but….. It’s not a drug!! In Columbia, Peru it’s a business where buses are taking people for a “quick fix” ceremony. It’s sad that when money and human greediness are involved the relationship with a plant is abused. It is not “fun thing to do on Saturday night”. The medicine shall be drunk only with well-trained shaman or person who understand the Ayahuasca spirit! No exceptions!
In Mexico it was a last-minute invite passed to me in the morning and in the evening all was happening. In Guatemala was similar.
I felt really down. I was taken down by San Marcos. I was struggling to find a ground under my feet. I know myself quite well now, so I knew its my resistance speaking to me out loud. If you read my blog regularly I’m sure you see my lows, panic attacks especially before something that helps me to break through another layer of conditioning is happening. I recognise this pattern now, but still cannot break it and control or avoid it. It controls me. Work in progress I guess.
On that morning I’ve written in my journal “My brain cannot wait until we leave this place. My heart wants to stay” At that point I had no clue what am I still doing in San Marcos. The next few hours explained all.
Anna was my lead to Edith’s place. For days she was everywhere I went. We bumped into each other regularly. That morning serious of “coincidences” brought me to MoonFish cafe. Only after I ordered a chai tea there she was – Anna again. We both were stunned and asked each other what the hell is going on? We know now. She meant to bring me to this place. She said that at 10.30 that morning she starts 5 days retreat at New Beginnings and there is 1 place left. My heart jumped and I knew straight away why I stayed so long in San Marcos. I was waiting for that!
I went to meet Edith before I committed 100%. The voice of the first advice was clear in my head “Make sure you feel safe“. After I entered her property I knew I found home for the next 5 days. Her garden, the whole property, her person and a chat we had before made me feel safe. Her motives, her love to a plant was obvious. We started that morning straight after I checked out from my hostel. Woman’s circle. 4 woman ready to empower each other. For the next 3 days we prepared ourself to meet Ayahuasca. As I said it’s a healing plant. Edith in a beautiful way gradually helped us to understand her and at the same time the world around us. What she said on the first day stuck with me and will be with me forever “When it starts it’s always perfect. Who is there and who shows up is exactly who suppose to be there. What happen is the only thing that could possibly happen. When is over is over” Huge reminder to trust in life. Whatever is happening is happening for a reason. We might not see a bigger picture yet but…trust and allow things to happen.
The ceremony has taken place on Friday night. Ayahuasca is always drunk at night. The first time I drunk in Mexico an environment was perfect however I have experienced the full power of my resistance. My brain went into fight or flight mode and blocked all the sensations. When you face the most powerful psychedelic plant on planet earth and you are able to block it, it means your resistance is huge. She is a gentle plant, she will not take you to the places you don’t allow yourself to go. After that experience I knew that I’m still not allowing myself to heal. No surprise it’s such a challenging journey for me. “Your mind is not your friend, not yet” as I quoted Mooji during a silence retreat.
A second calling was different. It was very profound experience and I strongly believe what was different this time was a trust I had in her. There was no fear, there was only me saying I had enough please do what needs to be done. I’m all yours. I surrendered. Not completely but I did my best. That’s all I could do…do my best. There is no doubt in my eyes that this plant can heal. An experience can be very enlightening but also very challenging. All depends on individual. With me it feels like it’s a long-term relationship and I will meet her again. She has not changed my life in one sitting. She in very, very gentle and kind way has pushed me to the next level. She “operated” me and set me free….for now. The process and power of medicine is not over. The fruits will reveal in the coming months but…only if I keep my eyes and heart open to connect dots. One lesson I’ve learnt for sure was a power of Unconditional love and Self-love. This is the power I need to go further. My true-self lives in my heart so more I connect to my heart more real and balance I become.
The battle between my heart and mind is not over.
Work in progress I guess.