Day 0

All mirrors are covered. In the whole centre you won’t find any piece of glass to reflect your face. Why? To detached yourself from your external image.

We just had an introduction meeting. It all starts tomorrow at 7am and gosh I’m scared. I did not see that coming. I was so relaxed but…

It’s not only the fact you keep silence for those 10 days. You also don’t make any eye contact with others including the teachers, you don’t touch, you don’t smile, you don’t hug. Nothing. It’s just you. If I’m in the group, and not able to give myself to people, share my smile, made them laugh then who am I?

It’s not super strict retreat, but there are rules to follow. All of that is to make sure you have an environment to go deep, deep inside you. That you allow yourself to go deep inside you. Removing all external distraction apparently helps.

Writing in this particular moment it’s my distraction. I’m writing this post instead of crying out of fear. I won’t be able to do it tomorrow! It’s my last couple hours with connection and it’s so surprising to see how this fact alone is making me feel uncomfortable. What if someone needs me? what if something happen? What if…my mind going through all scenarios.

When I got to my room, sat down on my bed thinking what the hell am I just about to do! changes are scared, fear of unknown is always there suddenly this creature appeared from under my bed. Unexpected guest. She/he I think it’s here to comfort me. Animals sense when you need support the most…

There is only one wish I have – to allow myself to be open. That’s all I need. Openness to what is about to happen…

Photo on 08-05-2014 at 16.25 #2 Photo on 08-05-2014 at 16.26

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2 thoughts on “Day 0

  1. Good luck sweet, you can do it!
    You know where we are if it all gets too much xxxx


  2. Aww, Hafiz is such a cutie! Watch out for the other one…. Guruji is kind of a jerk, LOL!


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